second place?

[oldmike]

I read this in "The Times on line"
What would you adviise to both mum and partner?

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From the age of 13 I knew that I wanted to be a mum. I am now 31 and I am one. My son is eight months old and I shiver with anticipation and excitement and pride every day. But I am writing because my son’s dad has been very low since our baby’s birth and has found fatherhood hard going. We have been together four years and we are close and loving, but we recently had a “blimey our relationship is new again” conversation. We agreed that we are now each less important to each other than our son. We are happy with that and have promised that we will always try to make “second place” a nice place to be. I know that my pregnancy and postnatal ups and downs have been hard to deal with as I am normally happy-go-lucky. But my partner has been very short tempered, very lethargic and uninterested in seeing friends or family. Before the birth he was very sociable. He has admitted to depression at times but has refused to do anything about it. I realise that depression can be serious. How I can help him and is our experience normal?

[Husband]

I can't really see what seems to be the problem.

I guess the woman has put her husband second after the birth of the child (subconsciously) and the husband is (subconsciously) a bit depressed about it.

They will get over it as time goes by. The woman won't be excited so much about the baby any longer, and the man will get used to the idea of not being at the centre of attention any longer.

[ninja]

Tell him he's a member of the universal brotherhood, and get used to it. This is why men go down to the pub... not to drink, but to share their lot with other men whose wives have discovered babies and other interests.

[need more coffee]

I think having kids between the ages of 0-5 if the hardest time during a marraige because they require so much of your time.
You have to try to schedule time out both with your husband and on your own. So organise a baby sitter and go out with you husband and also organising daycare so you can get out for coffee or shopping without the kids some-times.

If you try to put some balance in your life it will help.