Post by sundaymorningstaple on Aug 15, 2006 22:07:37 GMT 7
I wrote this back in May 1998. It was published in the "New Paper" on 2 May 1998 on page 10 and given the whole page in slightly edited form. I have reprinted the original article in full from my original notes here. You may well think some of my views are "old fashioned" or out of date or you may disagree totally. You have that right. I reprint it here "Just in case" there are some usable nuggets in there for you or your family.
sms
HOW TO SURVIVE THE TEEN YEARS
Well, it’s finally happened. We have a teenager in the house.
It’s not like we didn’t expect it or anything. I mean, we’ve known for 13 years that it was coming, and we’ve tried to prepare ourselves. But it wasn’t until I saw Lisa talking to that 15-year-old boy at church the other day that I began to fully appreciate what was happening in our lives. And frankly, I’m a little scared.
Don’t get me wrong – Lisa is a terrific girl with a strong sense of values. But she’s also imperfect, which means she’s going to make mistakes from time to time. And today more than ever before, a simple mistake or error in judgment can be devastating to young people – emotionally, physically and spiritually.
And so I’ve been thinking. At age 13, Lisa hasn’t quite arrived at the point where she totally tunes Mom and Dad out the minute they start to talk. Maybe now – just as she’s beginning her teenage journey – is the time to debunk some of those myths that plagued us all, through adolescence, to one degree or another. If I could imprint anything on Lisa’s mind to help see her through the next seven or eight years, it would be that she remember these ten simple truths:
1. Everybody isn’t doing it. Whatever “it” is, from drugs to drinking to cheating on tests, there’s always someone you admire who isn’t doing it because they choose not to. Emulate that someone. Or better yet, be that someone for others.
2. Bad things don’t only happen to “bad” kids. You don’t have to be looking for trouble to find it. Lots of “good” girls get pregnant. “Good” boys can get in accidents while showing off in Dad’s new sports car just as easily as “bad” boys. All it takes is one bad decision and you’ll be just as dead – or pregnant or addicted or imprisoned – as the kid who is always “asking for it.”
3. The world doesn’t owe you a thing. That teacher doesn’t have to give you a good grade unless you earn it. Your boss doesn’t have to give you a raise unless he feels you deserve it. You’ll find that most people make their own breaks. Happiness doesn’t just happen. You have to take responsibility for your life and make it happen.
4. The answers to life’s most important questions can’t be artificially induced. Although many have tried, nobody that I know of has ever found lasting peace and happiness in a bottle, or in a syringe or in the back seat of a car. The headlong pursuit of momentary thrills usually proves to be destructive over the long haul, making it all the more difficult to probe the real source of answers, which is within yourself.
5. You aren’t as invincible as you think you are. Is there a junkie alive – or dead, for that matter – who didn’t think he would be immune from the stranglehold of addiction? Is there a teenager with a sexually transmitted disease who didn’t figure these things always happen to someone else? And, is there a paralyzed teenager driver who, moments before the crash, didn’t think they had everything completely under control?
6. Popularity isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. When it comes right down to it, popularity tends to be about conformity and living your life according to the standards of whatever group happens to be “in” at the moment. It takes a lot of energy to keep up with the group, and there’s constant pressure to conform. Why not just live your own life, and let people accept you for who you are. You’ll be happier – and less stressed.
7. Experience isn’t necessarily the best teacher – unless you’re going to throw the experiences of others into the equation. You don’t have to stick your hand in the fire to know that it’s hot. And you don’t have to experiment with drugs or premarital sex or anything else to know they’re dangerous. Others have already proven that. Trust them.
8. There’s no such thing as “too far gone.” No matter how many mistakes you’ve made, if you sincerely want to change and are willing to pay the price, you can do it.
9. The sun really will come up tomorrow. No matter how bleak things may seem from time to time, they’ll get better. Things change. Problems fade away. And those that don't . . . well, you'll figure out a way to deal with them. Honest.
10. Somebody does care about you. It may not always be the people you want to have caring about you. But there’s always someone who is there – and who cares. In fact, you probably already know who they are, because they’re the ones you’ve always been able to count on. That won’t change. No matter what. Not even for a teenager.
SMS & Mrs SMS
sms
HOW TO SURVIVE THE TEEN YEARS
Well, it’s finally happened. We have a teenager in the house.
It’s not like we didn’t expect it or anything. I mean, we’ve known for 13 years that it was coming, and we’ve tried to prepare ourselves. But it wasn’t until I saw Lisa talking to that 15-year-old boy at church the other day that I began to fully appreciate what was happening in our lives. And frankly, I’m a little scared.
Don’t get me wrong – Lisa is a terrific girl with a strong sense of values. But she’s also imperfect, which means she’s going to make mistakes from time to time. And today more than ever before, a simple mistake or error in judgment can be devastating to young people – emotionally, physically and spiritually.
And so I’ve been thinking. At age 13, Lisa hasn’t quite arrived at the point where she totally tunes Mom and Dad out the minute they start to talk. Maybe now – just as she’s beginning her teenage journey – is the time to debunk some of those myths that plagued us all, through adolescence, to one degree or another. If I could imprint anything on Lisa’s mind to help see her through the next seven or eight years, it would be that she remember these ten simple truths:
1. Everybody isn’t doing it. Whatever “it” is, from drugs to drinking to cheating on tests, there’s always someone you admire who isn’t doing it because they choose not to. Emulate that someone. Or better yet, be that someone for others.
2. Bad things don’t only happen to “bad” kids. You don’t have to be looking for trouble to find it. Lots of “good” girls get pregnant. “Good” boys can get in accidents while showing off in Dad’s new sports car just as easily as “bad” boys. All it takes is one bad decision and you’ll be just as dead – or pregnant or addicted or imprisoned – as the kid who is always “asking for it.”
3. The world doesn’t owe you a thing. That teacher doesn’t have to give you a good grade unless you earn it. Your boss doesn’t have to give you a raise unless he feels you deserve it. You’ll find that most people make their own breaks. Happiness doesn’t just happen. You have to take responsibility for your life and make it happen.
4. The answers to life’s most important questions can’t be artificially induced. Although many have tried, nobody that I know of has ever found lasting peace and happiness in a bottle, or in a syringe or in the back seat of a car. The headlong pursuit of momentary thrills usually proves to be destructive over the long haul, making it all the more difficult to probe the real source of answers, which is within yourself.
5. You aren’t as invincible as you think you are. Is there a junkie alive – or dead, for that matter – who didn’t think he would be immune from the stranglehold of addiction? Is there a teenager with a sexually transmitted disease who didn’t figure these things always happen to someone else? And, is there a paralyzed teenager driver who, moments before the crash, didn’t think they had everything completely under control?
6. Popularity isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. When it comes right down to it, popularity tends to be about conformity and living your life according to the standards of whatever group happens to be “in” at the moment. It takes a lot of energy to keep up with the group, and there’s constant pressure to conform. Why not just live your own life, and let people accept you for who you are. You’ll be happier – and less stressed.
7. Experience isn’t necessarily the best teacher – unless you’re going to throw the experiences of others into the equation. You don’t have to stick your hand in the fire to know that it’s hot. And you don’t have to experiment with drugs or premarital sex or anything else to know they’re dangerous. Others have already proven that. Trust them.
8. There’s no such thing as “too far gone.” No matter how many mistakes you’ve made, if you sincerely want to change and are willing to pay the price, you can do it.
9. The sun really will come up tomorrow. No matter how bleak things may seem from time to time, they’ll get better. Things change. Problems fade away. And those that don't . . . well, you'll figure out a way to deal with them. Honest.
10. Somebody does care about you. It may not always be the people you want to have caring about you. But there’s always someone who is there – and who cares. In fact, you probably already know who they are, because they’re the ones you’ve always been able to count on. That won’t change. No matter what. Not even for a teenager.
SMS & Mrs SMS
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